RET/REBT SELF-HELP

RATIONAL VS IRRATIONAL BELIEFS:

According to Dr. Albert Ellis an idea is irrational if:
1.It distorts reality.
2.It is illogical.
3.It prevents you from reaching your goals.
4.It leads to unhealthy emotions.
5. It leads to self-defeating behavior.

EXAMPLES OF IRRATIONAL BELIEFS:
1.Shoulds ("Don't should on yourself.')
2.Oughtas
3.Gottas
4.Musts (Musterbation)
5.Demanding (Demandingness is always irrational and can always be ignored)
6.Commanding

ABC METHOD: Thoughts (Cognitions) -> Feelings (Emotions) -> Actions (Behavior) A. Activating Event
B. Irrational Belief
C. Consequence
D. Dispute Irrational Belief (see Disputing Irrational Beliefs - below)
E. Effective New Belief

Dispute #1: Is their any evidence my belief is true?
Dispute #2: is there any evidence my belief is false?
Dispute #3: What good can I make happen if I give up my belief?
Dispute #4: What bad can I easily make happen if I keep up my belief?

ELLIS’ BASIC IRRATIONAL ASSUMPTIONS

Irrational Idea No. 1: The idea that it is a dire necessity for an adult human being to be loved or approved by virtually every significant other person in his community... Irrational Idea No. 2: The idea that one should be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving in all possible respects if one is to consider oneself worthwhile...

Irrational Idea No. 3: The idea that certain people are bad, wicked, or villainous and that they should be severely blamed and punished for their villainy...

Irrational Idea No 4: The idea that it is awful and catastrophic when things are not the way one would very much like them to be...

Irrational Idea No 5: The idea that human unhappiness is externally caused and that people have little or no ability to control their sorrows...

Irrational Idea No 6: The idea that if something is or may be dangerous or fearsome one should be terribly concerned about it and should keep dwelling on the possibility of its occurring...

Irrational Idea No 7: The idea that it is easier to avoid than to face certain life difficulties and self-responsibilities...

Irrational Idea No 8: The idea that one should be dependent on others and needs someone stronger than oneself on whom to rely...

Irrational Idea No 9: The idea that one's past history is an all-important determiner of one's present behavior and that because something once strongly affected one's life, it should indefinitely have a similar effect..

Irrational Idea No 10: The idea that one should become quite upset over other people's problems and disturbances..

COPING WITH GUILT

“Guilt (or shame) is a childhood emotion, induced by others (parents, etc) which is inappropriate for adults.” (Adults take responsibility for their behavior)

Albert Ellis, PhD

Albert Ellis on GRIEF (AI Summary):

According to Albert Ellis, grief is a natural and painful emotion, but it can become significantly more distressing when individuals hold onto irrational beliefs about the loss , such as demanding that the deceased person "should not have died" - which leads to unnecessary suffering; he emphasizes the importance of accepting reality and challenging these irrational beliefs to navigate grief in a healthier way, using his Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) approach.

Key points about Ellis' view on grief:

Irrational beliefs are the root of excessive grief:

Ellis believes that the most harmful aspect of grief comes from holding onto irrational thoughts like "I can't live without this person" or "This shouldn't have happened," which amplify the pain and hinder healing.

Accepting reality is key: Instead of fighting against the loss, Ellis encourages individuals to acknowledge the reality of the situation and accept that the person is gone, even though it may be difficult.

The ABC model in grief:

Ellis's ABC model (Activating event, Belief, Consequence) can be applied to grief, where the "A" is the loss itself, the "B" is the irrational belief about the loss, and the "C" is the resulting negative emotion.

Healthy grief vs. unhealthy grief: Ellis differentiates between healthy grief, where one acknowledges sadness and pain while still moving forward, and unhealthy grief, where irrational beliefs lead to excessive distress and interfere with daily life.

Focus on the present:

While remembering the deceased is important, Ellis encourages individuals to focus on living a fulfilling life in the present, rather than dwelling on the past.